Another writing from several years ago...


What do you do when you try something that you aren't successful at?  Over the weekend I spoke at a women's retreat.  What I found was no matter how well prepared I was, or how good my intentions are...I'm just not too hot as a public speaker.  Matter of fact a part of me just doesn't care.  I like to write.  I have lots of interest.  Basically I feel pretty good about myself.  Yet I occasionally get into these speaking predicaments.  

Does God use us when we don't have a gift?  Why do these situations keep occurring?  What about Paul's thorn?  Is this to keep me humble?  I am faced with the decision:  what to do about this public speaking... Somehow I thought this time I would do better, since it was a topic I knew.  Yet when I got up there I lacked authority.  My voice quivered.  I was unsure.  More alarming-I had to deal with the reactions of my audience.  No longer was it between God and me, but now a crowd of listeners. Critics.  

Some said it was good, and I question them even saying that...did they just do it out of politeness?  

Is this meant to get me to ask God why?  What do you want me to do Lord?  Better yet maybe I should quit questioning and just say yes.  Yes I will do it, yes I will share my story (eloquent or not)  Perhaps its not about talents and gifts but about obedience.  I'll do it when I don't want to.  I'll do it when I am not good at it.  I'll do it when it feels uncomfortable.  I'll obey. Iíll just do it!  

Added to my discomfort was the article about gifts I distributed.  I thought it was great.  I'd had a couple people proof it and they thought it was great.  Yet I didn't receive any positive feedback.  We got caught up debating the difference between a gift and a talent...

 So I tried and it was passable.  Not at all like some of the things I do well.  I garden and people see it and are blown away.  I write great letters that really encourage and cheer people up.  What do you do when you try your best and you get a C and not an A...hard to swallow isn't it?