Be A Friend
For the last week or so Iíve noticed that the butt on several pairs of my cycling shorts feeling droopy. I figured that they either were getting old or I was getting smaller. So I got out a tape measure and measured the biggest area around my butt and hips. Nope, I am not getting smaller in fact I was bigger. I weigh myself almost every day, but I donít do the tape measuring very often, in fact itís probably been over a year so I was disappointed. My first thought was ok, Iím not eating. Iíll just starve off those two inches. Then I got hungry.
Itís hard to accept who we are, and when we do we wonder if other people will accept us. It is a vicious cycle of trying to be good enough and once you step on this treadmill it never ends. For instance, I occasionally entertain and the perfectionist in me says how can you invite people over when the basement is a mess, or what if they notice that the kitchen counter needs to be replaced? This sort of self imposed expectations could escalate and you or your possessions would never be good enough for other people. I find myself walking down this path and have to stop; pause and remember what it was like when I was young. Back then friends would come over and nobody cared what your stuff was like. It didnít matter if your room was a mess; you just sat on the floor and talked. You enjoyed your visitor and what was important was your friend, not impressing them with your belongings.
I think what happens is that instead of focusing on our friend and how important they are to us, we look at ourselves and wonder if we are worth the friendship. In my case because I hang out with over achiever athletes, it can become a matter of am I good enough. And since many of them are incredibly fit, I wonder what about my fitness? Itís a measuring up of sorts; can I invite someone over to my home that lives in a much larger home? Can I train with someone far more gifted than me? About a year ago my mother pointed out to me that athletically I could intimidate people. I was surprised by this comment, but yes just as there are people more gifted than me; I do more athletically than others. When I think about the friends I have who arenít at the same place where I am, it doesnít matter at all. So why would I impose this self measuring up? We all are worth great relationships. If we are willing to be a good friend, then we will have good friends and we do not have to earn them by being fit enough or posessing the right ďstuff.Ē That is the key, you donít have to impress or earn friends, you just have to be one.
"What is a friend? I will tell you...it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself." Ė Frank Crane