I’m tired of blunders. A blunder is a serious or embarrassing mistake as a result of carelessness or ignorance. Living in an interracial relationship I occasionally find myself facing weird situations. People share a joke or make a comment that is racist and then it dawns on them that it was me they revealed this to. This propels them to backpedal and try to make amends. I cannot really lump all these incidents together because each person and situation is different. Mostly I try to enlighten people, to make a positive change, but sometimes I just get weary of it all and want to be left alone. I get fatigued swimming upstream and being positive while I press forward. I recently asked Maurice, “Do you ever get tired of people expecting you to understand things?” he just laughed and walked away. Unfortunately white people expect minorities to understand. They expect their slow learning to be tolerated, their stupid gaffes to be ignored. It’s sort of crazy I recall Kelly telling me how she was hanging out with some friends in high school and another kid drives up with a big confederate flag in his truck and looks at her and says “Sorry Kelly.” What?! Oh, yeah, she is supposed to understand.
But I have to tell you, there have been positive experiences as well. People change and I have been fortunate to see it happen. I have watched people examine their inherited values and question them. And believe it or not, people change their mind. I have had people publically defend and step in to protect me and my family. Sometimes I cause discomfort and really that’s a good thing. People are forced to stop and examine their beliefs and actions, to question themselves. That’s a fine thing. Yes it’s uncomfortable, but it is progress and it is worth it.
“Let perseverance be your engine and hope your fuel.” – H. Jackson Brown Jr.