Fear And The Air Between It

2003_0327_133638AA.JPG (327874 bytes)A few years ago we went to the Grand Canyon.  Maurice had wanted to go there for the longest time and I had dragged my feet. Years ago, I had this stupid dream. I dreamed that we were at a shopping mall and Maurice held one of the kids over the balcony of the second floor and joked about dropping them and then he accidentally did. The child was a toddler and I do not know if it was Ryan or Kelly. Crazy but it was a horrible dream that just stayed with me. For the longest time when I went to places with the kids, heights would just freak me out. Parking garages, hiking on narrow paths over cliffs, you name it I'd get phobic.  I was reluctant to go. Weird thing is I had rationally thought about this and I knew that I'd had other dreams and they did not affect my life, why did I let this? We were in Tucson at the time and we went to the GC on the spur of the moment, which was good because I did not have enough time to stress over it. Oh, boy is it a LONG way down and there are no railings to hold you back in some places, AND my family does things like walk on the other side of the path by the ledge. It was stressful. So I’m cowering over on the far side of the path and this guy says “There’s only two things holding you back, fear and the air between it.” Anyhow it turns out that he is a tour guide and his words stayed with me all day long. I pondered and reflected and mostly tried to remember that quote.  Why did I find it so compelling? 

 For days those words were with me.  He was interesting too-like a character from a book. He was probably my age, had slightly grey, straight, brown hair that fell past his shoulders. He wore a saddle brown western leather vest and jeans. We kept bumping into him.  Intriguing, he thoroughly enjoyed his work.  Didn’t look at all like a person who had fears, someone who chose a simple life doing what he enjoyed, and beneath that I suspect a person full of complex thoughts.  He reminded me of different people I have met in the desert. The people who ran the place where we went horse back riding for example. They chose work that appears simple and yet they have a wealth of knowledge. They could have done many other things but chose that life and seemed completely satisfied with it.   I am interested in people who have made their own “good life.” When I see it I reflect about my own life and where I want to be 10 years from now. It causes me to think about the choices I made and will make.  Very odd, how that simple sentence could be so thought provoking.

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